dumb criminals

Read the latest news stories about dumb criminals on Newser.com

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Cops: 'Genius' Drunk Guy Loses Keys, Swipes Forklift

Man 'needed something to drive,' took forklift because he knew 'how to drive one'

(Newser) - Florida Keys authorities say a drunken man from Rhode Island stole a forklift and crashed into a gate in Marathon, telling deputies he lost his car keys and needed something to drive, reports the AP . The Monroe County Sheriff's Office says in a news release that 44-year-old Edward Quinton...

Guy Gets A+ for Effort to Conceal His DWI Arrest

Joseph Talbot tried to squelch report by buying up copies of local paper

(Newser) - The owner of a weekly Western New York newspaper says a man bought hundreds of copies in an unsuccessful effort to keep people from reading about his drunken-driving arrest. State police arrested Joseph Talbot on Dec. 29 in Wayne County and charged him with driving while intoxicated, reports the AP...

Bank Robber Used His Own Debit Card
Bank Robber
Used His Own
Debit Card
Jan 5, 2017 11:14 AM CST

Bank Robber Used His Own Debit Card

Before warning the teller, 'Don't make a mistake'

(Newser) - A man entered a San Diego bank on May 13 and demanded money from a teller, saying, "You're being robbed. Don't make a mistake." He's probably kicking himself over his own gaffe, which helped send him to prison for three years and 10 months as...

Cops: Drunk 'Postal Grinch' Busted Opening Packages

For drugs, natch

(Newser) - A Florida man is being accused of being a Christmas Grinch after authorities say he broke into a post office and tried to steal packages, reports the AP . Francis Keller, 56, was arrested by the Boynton Beach Police Department and charged with burglary. Police say they found him inside a...

Burglars' Downfall: Not Paying the Getaway Driver

No surprise: stiffed taxi driver called police

(Newser) - Two alleged burglars essentially directed police to their apartment in New Jersey when they failed to pay their taxi driver, authorities say. Kenneth Burke, 46, and Timothy Foote, 38, took a taxi to a home in Deal on Friday, went inside, then emerged with a TV and liquor bottles, police...

Cops: Man Stole 300K Pennies From Work

Mechanic left trail of coins behind him

(Newser) - Talk about penny pinching: A Pennsylvania man is accused of stealing about 300,000 pennies from his employer. Police in Taylor, just outside Scranton, have charged 34-year-old Robert Napolitan with burglary and related offenses. He's accused of taking a steel drum filled with $3,000 worth of pennies from...

Man Makes Wanted Poster His Facebook Pic, Is Arrested

Made it easy to discover Mack Yearwood had outstanding warrants

(Newser) - Most people hate their mugshots even more than the picture on their driver's license, but a Florida man found a wanted poster with his picture on it pleasing enough to put on Facebook—and it helped cops bust him, the Palm Beach Post reports. Stuart police responded to a...

Arson 101: Guy Shows How Not to Light a Fire

Well, that didn't go as planned

(Newser) - Sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug, and sometimes you're the guy trying to burn a building down who sets fire to a little more than you intended. Such was the plight of a would-be arsonist intending to burn down a Kentucky barbershop when he accidentally...

Driver Pokemon-Goes Right Into Police Car: Cops

'That's what I get for playing this dumb-a-- game': distracted Baltimore driver

(Newser) - Even a Legendary may not be able to get a young man from Baltimore out of trouble after his SUV ran into a police car early Monday while he was allegedly playing Pokemon Go, the Baltimore Sun reports. USA Today notes body-camera video was released that shows a Toyota RAV4...

Guy Announces He's Suing Cops, Gets Arrested

Chicago police say he killed a man less than 2 weeks ago

(Newser) - If Dominiq Greer didn't know there was a warrant out for his arrest at the start of a press conference on his lawsuit against the Chicago Police Department, he did at the end of it: The 25-year-old was arrested on a murder warrant as soon as he walked out...

Cops Find Possible Car Thief Up a Tree

Zayvaughn Boutwell tried to elude arrest, police say

(Newser) - It won't go down in the annals of brilliant police chases: Police in Buffalo say a man driving a stolen car crashed it into a pole and kicked out a window to escape—only to be arrested hiding up a tree, reports the Buffalo News . The crash occurred after...

Burglary Suspect Gives Shoutout to Fla. With Face Tattoo

But it was his neck tattoo that busted him

(Newser) - A Florida man who's either seen The Shining one too many times or is being paid by a rum distillery to promote product was arrested Monday for a burglary reported in March—and it was his body ink that did him in, the Sun Sentinel reports. Cops say surveillance...

Guy Loses House Keys, Ends Up in Jail

Pa. man busted for unpaid fines

(Newser) - Police say a central Pennsylvania man who locked himself out of his house wound up locked up in jail once emergency responders realized he had unpaid court fines, reports the AP . The Altoona Mirro r reports that after apparently misplacing his keys, 35-year-old Jeffrey Jones climbed onto the roof Sunday...

Her Sister's DWI Leads to DWI of Her Own

Minnesota woman just couldn't wait to spring her sis

(Newser) - There's sisterly devotion, and then there's "your sister would've understood if you'd waited till morning." Erica Stang apparently couldn't wait to go pick up her sibling from jail, though, so the 32-year-old Minnesota woman set out to make the trip to Stearns County...

Cops: Man Tries to Hawk Drugs While in Court

Pennsylvania man's plan didn't pan out

(Newser) - A 35-year-old man who showed up in a Pittsburgh traffic courtroom Monday to face charges of driving under suspension was apparently feeling either very reckless or more or less invincible (and invisible). The Atlanta Journal-Constitution reports that Christopher Durkin had wrapped up his hearing and was heading out of the...

Stoned Drug Traffickers Call 911 on Themselves

They were hauling 20 pounds of pot

(Newser) - It was an unusual 911 call that tipped off police in Rexburg, Idaho, that Leland Ayala-Doliente and Holland Sward had entered the state with 20 pounds of marijuana—because Ayala-Doliente is the one who placed it. As the East Idaho News reports, court documents show that Ayala-Doliente, 22, and Sward,...

Snow Kidding: 5 Craziest Crimes of the Week

Including men with 'outrageous' moves and a can't-be-bothered Canadian

(Newser) - A fouled-up gas-stealing attempt and car that drew double-takes are among the weirdest stories of the week:
  • Worst Clearing-Snow-Off-a-Car Attempt Ever : If you happened to be driving around Brussels, Ontario, this week and saw what appeared to be a small igloo driving around, you may have witnessed an 80-year-old man
...

Brilliant Thieves Suck Bus Fuel— Er, No, Sewage

Mmmppfpfffpfpf

(Newser) - Turns out that stealing gas from a tour bus is more nuanced than one might think, as demonstrated by a would-be thief or set of thieves earlier this month in Australia. In what the Mirror refers to as a simple case of "mixing up poo and petrol," Laverton...

Cops: Kidnapper Could Be 'Dumbest Criminal of Year'

He allegedly scheduled a meeting with the victim and actually showed up for it

(Newser) - "If he can survive the remaining 340-some days of the year, he will definitely win the dumbest criminal of the year," Philly.com quotes police chief David Splain. The dumb criminal in question is Pennsylvania 17-year-old Jason Hayes, who is charged with kidnapping and robbing an old woman...

Guy Calls Judge the N-Word, Gets Thrown in Jail

Adam Satterly held in contempt of court on Monday

(Newser) - A white man in Louisville, Ky., will spent time in jail for using a racial slur in a courtroom hallway, seconds after an interaction with a black judge. Adam Satterly could be heard yelling "punk ass n*****" immediately after Judge Olu Stevens revoked his bond on drug charges Monday....

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