Leave Porn Sex to Porn Stars

In the middle of an underwhelming bedroom session with a lover she dubbed “Mr. Jackhammer,” Mary Elizabeth Williams had an epiphany: Men (and probably some women) are learning far too many of their moves from porn, and it’s time to stop. “Thinking you can learn to make to love to a woman from watching porn is like thinking you can learn to drive from watching The Fast and the Furious,” she writes on Salon.

“There’s something cold and sad and deeply unerotic about being in the throes of it with somebody and thinking, ‘Why does this remind me of Weapons of Ass Destruction 4?’” she continues, recalling another lover who spent the entire encounter watching himself in the mirror: “He did not have sex with me. He had sex on me.” Men, she begs, “When you feel a particularly ambitious move coming on, ask yourself, am I Rocco Siffredi? Then no.” (More Jay-ZTV stories.)