Two apparent would-be thieves probably thought they had the perfect plan—one would run into their local Kohl's, grab a bunch of merch, and run back out to the parking lot, where the second guy would be waiting with the getaway car. What the suspects likely didn't count on was their getaway car's battery dying. Clackamas County deputies say they responded to a call about an alleged theft at the Clackamas Promenade around 3:30pm Monday, and when they got there, they say they found the hood of said car up, and Raymond Stavig and Derek Shurts trying to get a jump from bystanders, per KOIN and KPTV. Found inside the car, among other items, per authorities: phones, laptops, clothing from other stores, stolen credit cards and a credit card reader, drugs, and counterfeit cash.
Deputies say Shurts—who was the one who allegedly lifted the items from the Kohl's and who authorities say also had counterfeit bills in his pocket—told them that before they arrived on the scene, Stavig had offered him $1,000 if he took the blame for the theft (an offer he apparently declined to take). Stavig, meanwhile, told deputies the items in the car all belonged to his wife. Also stolen: the getaway car itself, deputies say. Stavig was arrested on charges of theft, identity theft, possession of methamphetamine, and a warrant for aggravated ID theft. Shurts, meanwhile, was arrested on charges of theft, possession of a forged instrument, and a warrant for heroin possession. (Read more weird crimes stories.)