Man Seeks Help After Dozing Off in Bangkok Massage

And other odd requests to the British Foreign Office
By Neal Colgrass,  Newser Staff
Posted Dec 30, 2018 12:30 PM CST
Man Seeks Help After Dozing Off in Bangkok Massage
Stock image.   (Getty Images)

The British Foreign Office handles serious matters—like helping to expel Russian diplomats after a poisoning on UK soil, or overseeing President Trump's controversial 2018 visit—but also fields queries on arguably lighter subjects ranging from Britain's available women to the plot of Braveheart to the possible danger of vampires, the New York Times reports. Apropos, one caller asked the office for information on Polish vampires "because a woman he met online asked what blood type he was before they met for their first date," the office says. Among other queries, and the office's response:

  • A Kuwaiti man called asking "if any of our staff wanted to adopt his puppies," per the office.
  • A New Delhi man wanted to know "what time the British High Commission opened, as he'd heard we sold vegetarian sausages and wanted to buy some."
  • One person asked "if we could provide a list of women in Argentina who he might be able to marry."
  • Another, from the Netherlands, said watching Braveheart raised serious plot issues that needed clarification.
  • One request from a man in the Canary Islands: Please "persuade his hotel to give him a different room as a stray cat had 'broken into' his existing one and peed on his bed."
  • Finally, a man wanted the office to contact a Bangkok massage parlor where he had dozed off during a massage and believed he shouldn't have to pay full price.
  • "I can regretfully confirm that the Foreign Office isn’t able to offer advice on vampires" or "rogue stray cats," per an office email. "And our capacity to deploy veggie sausages remains sadly lacking."
Note that some have criticized the office over more serious issues, like a British academic imprisoned in the UAE for alleged spying, per the BBC, and a former soldier who says he's "begging" the UK for help after being jailed in Turkey, also BBC. (Meanwhile, Britain has honored D-Day with a "very flawed stamp.")

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