NC Couple's Alleged Assault Weapon: Pizza Rolls

There's nothing more American than mom, baseball, apple pie—or, on the Fourth of July in North Carolina, pizza rolls and assault. WJZY reports that 24-year-old Brad Scott Beard and 21-year-old Samantha Brooke Canipe were arrested early Monday and charged with misdemeanor assault after they apparently declared their independence from civility and started attacking each other with pizza rolls in the Gastonia apartment they share. Details haven't been divulged on motive, method of attack, or pizza roll brand. Per Cosmopolitan and a peek at the Gaston County Sheriff's Office website, the snack-loving suspects are each being held on $2,500 bond. Cops tell WJZY that Canipe could face 30 days in jail, and Beard 60. (A "disrespectful" Florida fracas took place over cheesy garlic knots.)