Dumbest Questions to Butterball's Help Line

Nervous about cooking the Thanksgiving bird? Don't be. Butterball employs more than 50 Turkey Talk-Line experts who are ready and waiting to answer your culinary questions. And don't be embarrassed: Your inquiry can't be as embarrassing as these previous ones to be phoned in to 1-800-BUTTERBALL, as reported by Reuters:

• Can I thaw my turkey in my bathtub ... while I give my kids a bath?
• Is it OK to brine my turkey ... in a washing machine?

• Will I be able to speed up the cook time ... by using my oven's self-cleaning cycle?
• Will my turkey taste oily ... if I cut it with my chainsaw?
• Can I shorten the thawing time ... by putting it in my sauna?

(More Thanksgiving stories.)