State of the Union, Steve Jobs-Style

Barack Obama’s State of the Union address is scheduled for January 27, the same day Steve Jobs will unveil his “latest creation.” Coincidence? Of course not! Jobs is delivering the speech, and Slate has a early draft:

• “We made a stimulus package. It had the most features of any stimulus package we’ve ever created... But you know what? It wasn't enough. So today, we're introducing Stimulus 2GS, and it's sleeker than any economic recovery package ever created. And it's super easy to use.”

• “The 2010 Afghanistan war is newer, better, and cheaper. Want to see what it looks like?” (DELIRIOUS SCREAMS) “Okay, let me call up iMovie. See those drones? They've got multi-touch, 3G, and augmented reality terrorist locators. Starting tonight, you can buy them on apple.gov.”
• “Also, climate change. We're gonna fix that, too. People say it's hard, but we've got it down to two easy steps: Cap. Trade. (STANDING OVATION) Amazing, right?”

(More Steve Jobs stories.)