Hipsters, Please: Stop With the Rattails

There’s a new generation of hipsters “and, if you can believe it, they're sporting something even more disgusting than von Dutch fashions: a rattail,” writes Andrew Belonsky for Gawker. Think it’s no more than an ill-informed fashion decision, “the hairstyle of choice for rednecks and unwashed losers”? Think again: “It must stop! Rattails are a threat to America—and not just for the negative aesthetic value.”

America is, after all, “an international beacon”—and rattails “make the country look weak and hickish. And weak, hickish countries get invaded,” Belonsky continues. “So, if America falls, it's your fault, bedraggled, so-called ironic hipster. If you ever cared about this once great nation, get a real haircut and stop embarrassing your parents—and the rest of us.” (More hipster stories.)