Madonna, Jesus Set a Date! (Kind of)

Madonna and Jesus Luz are tying the knot, kabbalah-style, the New York Daily News reports. The boy toy's father spilled the details on their non-legally-binding “wedding” ceremony to Brazil’s Quem, adding, “I don’t know if there will, in fact, be a real marriage between Madonna and my son.” Dad also gave Madonna the thumbs-up, deeming her “normal” and “feminine” and saying his son is “extremely happy.”

“She has small children, and Jesus helps her out with various tasks involving all of them,” he added. “He plays ball with the kids. Jesus has charisma and loves children.” (More Madonna stories.)