How to Avoid R. Kelly Jury Duty

R. Kelly's jury is complete, and the arduous process of getting it filled contains a lesson: Should you ever be called upon to weigh in at a child pornography trial, the Chicago Tribune offers some proven ways—at least they worked in this case— to avoid getting trapped in the jury box:

1. Mention your teenage daughter.
2. Argue the age of consent is too high.
3. Explain that you're a doctor with lives to save.

4. Stutter when asked if you can give Kelly a fair trial.
5. Say you're a cop.
6. Sing Kelly's praises.
7. Look too eager to serve in a tabloid trial.
8. Have a lawyer coach you on all the wrong answers.
9. Fret about your wedding plans.
10. Sue or get sued.
11. Have your mother claim you're mentally ill.
12. Blame Kelly for 9/11.

(More celebrity trials stories.)