10 Things to Help Get You Through New Year's Eve

Ahh, New Year’s Eve. A holiday filled with inappropriately sparkly dresses and unnecessarily large quantities of tiny, tiny appetizers. On the Huffington Post, Alida Nugent lists 10 things you’ll need to get through “this sloppy and not-really-monumental occasion”:

• That cocktail dress: In addition to the sparkles, it must be really, really short. “Because it’s winter!” And who doesn’t want to “keep pulling [it] down because it’s freezing and the dress doesn’t fit but the style is right on!”
• An affinity for the cheap champagne hangover: “I’ve never met one person who has ever said ‘Yes, I drank a bottle and a half of champagne and the next morning I hopped out of bed joyously and ran around and did splits.’”

• One thing you don’t need: A person to kiss at midnight. After all, “You’re independent and don’t need to participate in lame traditions!” Or you could always “get sad and make out with some random person who’s as sad-faced as you are.”
• Totally unachievable resolutions: “You might diet until February, but Valentine’s Day will come around and you’ll decide to eat a block of cheese to celebrate the occasion.”

Click for the rest of her hilarious list, including the reason that, after the inevitable let-down of this year’s celebration, you’ll really only need to prepare for one more New Year’s. (More New Year stories.)