Back in 2013, Michael Cohen wrote an email to the Onion complaining about a satirical item written about his biggest client, Donald Trump. In the email, Cohen demanded an apology, threatened legal action, and asked the editor at the time to contact Cohen "immediately to discuss." The Onion ignored the email. Five years later, however, the site is having a change of heart, in classic Onion fashion. "Our editorial board would like to formally announce that we have finally read Michael Cohen’s 2013 email regarding his client Donald Trump and would like to discuss the matter further at his convenience," reads the new piece. The original story that angered Cohen is self-explanatory from the headline: "When You're Feeling Low, Just Remember I'll Be Dead In About 15 Or 20 Years."
Cohen began his complaint by "stating the obvious," that Trump didn't write the first-person piece, and went on to call it "absolutely disgusting." Now the Onion swears it wants to make things right. "Mr. Cohen, in trying to reach you, we have called both phone numbers you provided us and even sent a courier to your New York offices," the piece says. "We are growing concerned that you have remained silent because you have been building a rock-solid case against us for the last five years, and in fact shudder to even imagine the detailed, thorough, and likely damning charges you would bring forward." The editors say they are happy to schedule the Cohen meeting "around his upcoming court appearances," though they'll be looking for a "quid pro quo, if you will." Read the full piece.